Jealousy is one of my favourite emotions & these three reasons are why.
Updated: Oct 17, 2017
No I'm not off my choppers. I genuinely mean this. Jealousy is a Wonder Full emotion. And while Buddha and Jesus and Wayne Dyer might turn around in their grave when reading this headline. I'm sure they'll high five me when they read to the end of this article. Before I tell you why, and ask you to fully immerse yourself in this emotion whenever you feel it rear it's helpful head, this ....
Since the beginning of times, or actually since the bible and the misinterpretations of the bible jealousy is considered one of the worst things on the planet. It's one of the deadly sins for pete's sake. No wonder that we're afraid to show our jealousy.
Everybody has a judgement about it. You have it as I do too. And that's no wonder because the whole collective makes us believe that it's something that is "not done and felt". Except it IS FELT. And when it is felt we also know we can not put it away. It's there and it wants to be seen. Every time I try to hide it it comes back with a vengeance.
And the next time it was always bigger than the first time. Like tooth plaque. It builds on what was there before. Awesome, not? I say, let's start using jealousy instead of fighting it. I say let's WELCOME it. With Garlands, Balloons, Strippers and a Big Band. Hallelujah!
The spoilers: 1. Use Jealousy as fuel to achieve that what you thought impossible. 2. Let your Jealous feeling inform you on where you have not been allowing to let yourself shine 3. Strengthen your love and other relationship AND the relationship with yourself by opening up about it. Scroll down for the personal stories which are also meant as an example to which I'm sure you can relate: 1. Use Jealousy as fuel to achieve that what you thought impossible.
A few weeks before I would step on a plane for a five month trip to Australia I ran into a guy that I’d seen in my then hometown Amsterdam before but never really thought much of. That evening I went dancing with a couple of my girlfriends. I had freshly coloured my hair back to black and it looked and felt amazing. Like it always is that first day, skip the weeks after that when your hair feels like hay ....The music was amazing, the drinks were delicious and I felt GOOD. Dancing, flirting, laughing with this new old guy.I felt extra free because I knew I was leaving for Australia in a few months. And of course, that's how it always goes before you book a long trip, you start dating the guy that you met just a few weeks prior to leaving. As days went by I started falling for him harder, he not so much for me, and I was super insecure and felt less than enough. His ex girlfriend, an amazing beauty, wrote articles for a couple of very popular magazines. Which was something that I always wanted to achieve. Being validated for my writing skills in a popular magazine. I decided that I too would be published in a magazine and I set my mind on one magazine in particular. The anger for not being loved and the envy wanting something that I had not achieved got me into a writing frenzy. And what do you know. I got published in the magazine I wanted to be published in. I was over the moon!! Which only lasted for a couple of days. But that's a moral of another story. The moral of this one is: Jealousy can fuel you to achieve something that you want really really bad. So why not make use of it? If you're wondering what happened with the guy? We broke up when I left for Australia.
2. Let your Jealous feeling inform you on where you have not been allowing to let yourself shine.
Do you know this feeling that you feel on top of the world? Everything is going A OK and it seems like The Universe handpicked you to be the darling of the day. Where ever you go you hear angels play harps, you see unicorns fly and puddles of water split themselves so you can walk through without wetting your socks.
Then I bet you also know the opposite feeling. And sometimes it feels like these feelings are piling up like dirty dishes during a birthday diner. I have had times that I felt so amazingly dissatisfied with life that it seemed that there was a beautiful girl on every single corner of the street, and some streets had 12 corners! that was beaming with happiness. No wonder she was so happy, I would think, look at her. She's got everything going for her. Until I started realising that there shine was showing me something. Through some video or book or probably a combination of the two I learned to take a look at Jealousy as a source of information. What was it telling me? And when this happened in particular - with the shiny happy, pretty girls on every corner - I realised that I had been holding myself back. I had forsaken to let myself be me. Completely and happily and wonderfully me. Now when I see someone shine I start beaming myself. It's one of the most wonderful and courageous things in the world. And you know what this shining (or lack thereof) reminds me? Of the amazing poem from a Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. A snippet:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."
3. Strengthen your love and other relationship AND the relationship with yourself by opening up about it. I am crazy about my love Sebastian. And somehow I tend to forget he had a life before me. And whenever I get reminded by that, because of a story about an ex or a super wonderful experience he had with an ex I can feel jealous. I remember trying to hide this in previous relationships and that never ended well. Do you remember trying to pretend you were not jealous but your body, your voice, your face everything said something else? You tried to laugh and the weirdest squeaky laugh came out? Well I do. I could feel muscles in my face contracting in a way I have never felt them contract. And I could just feel this grimace I was pulling but at the same time I wasn't doing anything. It was something outside of me and bigger than me doing it.
So if you can relate to this than you also know that you can't hide it. No matter how hard you try. And you know what, I don't want to hide it. I want to be fully me. Warts and all.And I want him to see me. All of me. Also the parts that I think are not so loveable. Like Jealousy. So whenever the feeling comes up, I just say it. I literally say: "I feel jealous right now. And I don't really understand why but I feel it." And the paradoxical thing is that he loves me more.Because of my honesty, because of my willingness to show up for myself. And by owning my jealousy I send out a few messages:
I'm fully comfortable being me,
And you can fully be yourself with me too,
I love every part of me, even the parts that I'm "not allowed" to show,
And that's freedom.
Famous parting words, ok maybe not famous yet and they're not really parting words because I will see you in here soon, When you feel it and you welcome it and you admit to it You say YES to all of you. YES to live and YES to everything that you deserve, dreamed of and more. I hope you liked reading this and I wish that you too start using jealousy as a breeding ground for something good.
Lotuses grow out of the mud.
If you've loved reading this and you know someone else who will, please share. & sign up to my newsletter on the homepage if you haven't yet. with love,