• Monique

Two very intimate practices, with clothes on, to hot-up your relationship.

Updated: Oct 8, 2017

These two things, that I practiced with my love, feel more intimate than sex itself. Which is, you agree, pretty intimate.

One of them I learned from dr. Betty Martin, whom I interviewed about healthy sexuality in the beginning of 2017, and the other one I already knew and I think you do too and till thus far I never really practiced with a partner.

I will tell you in a second what these practices are, but first this: You don't have to do these with an intimate partner and perhaps it's nicer to first practice these with friends. They can be erotic, but they don't have to be. And when you've done them, I would love to know how it went for you. So if you care to share, please do so at

1. The Three minute game:

For three minutes touch your partner where you would like to touch them. And if I may give you a tip, just start with hands and arms.

The rules for this game are: You ask your partner, this can also be a friend, for permission to touch their hands. After they say yes, you will fully focus on YOUR pleasure. Feel how their hands feel. Explore every little bit of their hands. What you will notice is, is that you will feel your own hands more. You are doing this for you and you will feel, and stroke, and hold the parts of the hand that feel best to you. Don't look your partner in the eyes, fully immerse yourself in the hands of the other. After five minutes you can take turns.

Dr Betty Martin gives a great explanation about how to do this practice and a few others on her website. If you're interested in a deeper sense of connection to your own body parts and those of your lover than I can really recommend you trying out the other video's too. Click here to go to her website.

2. Eye gazing

If you have never done this I recommend you start with just a minute or two.

It's pretty straight forward; You sit opposite from each other in a comfortable position without a table in between you so that the energy can flow freely. Keep your arms next to you and your legs uncrossed when you sit on a chair (same energy reason).

I was lucky that I already had to do this a couple of times during workshops and somehow the people that I have in my life in Berlin were already doing this on a regular base with friends and lovers. . In the beginning when me and Sebastian started dating we had a lot of moments of spontaneous eye-gazing.

I often felt a bit embarrassed when we were doing this in a restaurant or a bar, mostly because I always had a very big judgement about it when I saw other people doing this, but it felt too good not to do it.

I love both practices a lot. The first is very nice because I get to touch the person that I love to touch most in the world. Or I get to look him deep in the eye. And vice versa which can feel super uncomfortable.

Next to the erotic-ness of the exercises, which feel like spooning a bucket with my favourite peanut butter chocolate vanilla ice cream, it strengthens my emotional connection with Sebastian.

You will notice that you will find out a lot about your insecurities around touching and being touched and looking at and being looked at. And that's all cool, because I bet you're here too to make the most out of as many moments you can.

Have fun practicing and discovering more of yourself and your partner.

And with whatever comes after the practice ;-)

If you want to see the interview I did with dr. Betty MArtin click here.

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With Love,


#sexuality #touch #drbettymartin #eyegazing #threeminutegame #interview #lovers #intimacy #exciting

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