My ... a small word that can cause a lot of pain and friction

March 16, 2017



Since the beginning of this year, I met him the 30th of Dezember of last year and we spent New Years Eve together with a group of amazing strangers, I am in a loving and romantic connection with an amazing human being.


It might sound a bit weird, the way that I describe it, and that is because I am still looking for words to express this “thing” that I share with him.


I don’t remember how we started this topic exactly, I just know that at the moment “My Girlfriend” fell I felt this heavy feeling on my chest.


Let’s first look at Girlfriend, or Boyfriend or you can take husband and wife too.

For me, there’s a lot of conditioning around both of these words. For me as someone’s “girlfriend” and from me to him as my “boyfriend”. My always precedes the latter. Strangely enough.


Because when you break it down, when you see someone as “yours” all these expectations start arising. Because if they are yours than they should be like you want them to be. Or?


And if I’m someone’s it means I have to behave, look, talk like they want me to behave, look, talk etc.


At first read it might seem that I’m exaggerating and of course it can be that you’re free of this. I still ask you to take a deeper look at it.


My solution to the problem is: I call him The Lover. And sometimes my lover. And when together I use either baby or his first name.


And while The Lover sounds a bit distant. And to be honest it also feels a bit distant, I like the distance. I like him being his and me being mine and meeting in the middle on common ground.


Everyone I have talked to so far agrees with me and with my ideas about My Girlfriend and My Boyfriend. Which inspired this post.


Very curious to find out if this rings true for you as well. So if you’d like to share, I would love to hear.


Much love,




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